The Predator

Streaming

Rent

Buy

The Predator (2018) doesn’t know what makes this franchise tick — presumably because when it did tick, it wasn’t yet a franchise. One of the reasons the original Predator works is that it is deadly serious about itself, or at least it looks that way. Both the shooting of the film and its plot come down to an alpha male pissing contest. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s and Jesse Ventura’s egos alone ensured planet Earth wasn’t big enough for them and the Predator. That’s part of the movie’s charm. Whether by design or accident, it functions as a sort of self-parody in which all kinds of macho stereotypes don’t die with their boots on because their boots are all that’s left of them. Another reason is that it takes the audience seriously. As over the top as the action is and as cheesy as the one-liners are (“stick around,” anyone?), it’s all delivered with deathly earnestness. The performances, the locations, and the practical effects guarantee as authentic an experience as a science fiction action horror film about an alien mass murderer hunting down humans in the jungle can be. Predator does not let on whether it’s in on the joke, and it behooves it to play dumb. Playing “smart” has the opposite effect for The Predator — starting with calling the title character a “predator” only to point out it’s a misnomer. Or describing it as an “alien Whoopi Goldberg,” which might be racist and/or sexist. Or referring to it as “one beautiful motherfucker.” Get it? Because Arnold called the original Predator an “ugly motherfucker,” and The Predator is determined to be the opposite: a prettified Predator movie with stylized CGI visual effects and sterile sets such as a sleek laboratory with immaculate white walls so they really bring out the blood when it splashes on them — which of course only succeeds in highlighting how fake-fake the blood is (as opposed to real fake blood). Like Ventura, this film ain’t got time to bleed. The script relentlessly panders to the viewers by belittling its source material, ultimately doing a disservice to both. There is a line of dialogue about “sequels” being “stupider.” Is that a dig at Predator 2 (1990) or Predators (2010)? Either way, movies who live in computer-generated houses should not throw rocks. Or maybe it’s The Predator’s oblique way of positioning itself as an “intelligent” sequel. Allow me to disabuse the filmmakers of that notion. Whenever it’s not taking potshots at the franchise to which it belongs, the film does a halfhearted attempt to add to its mythos — mainly by throwing around the word “evolution” without knowing what it means. It’s likely that the basic mechanism of evolution would be the same on whatever planet the Predators come from as in ours; i.e., not at all like this movie thinks it works. Whatever makes this stuff tick, if indeed anything does, it’s not self-referential humor. Going meta can yield excellent results, as in Wes Craven’s New Nightmare — but then that film is not self-deprecating; it’s highly discerning and has tons of respect for that franchise lore which demands awe and dismissive of the commercially oriented baggage that weighed it down in the late 80s-early 90s. The result is meaner and darker than anything that preceded it. Conversely, The Predator has more in common with co-writer/director Shane Black’s standalone efforts such as Last Action Hero and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, which I would normally mean as a compliment but it’s just not a road that Predator should ever be taken on.

My mind was racing as I watched _The Predator_ in the cinema tonight. I'd heard virtually nothing good about it so my anxious brain kicked into overdrive the whole time the film was going on. As a result of that, I almost feel like I experienced three movies in that theatre. First, obviously the movie on the screen. Secondly, the awesome movie I was theorising could unfurl at the result of each new sequence and plot point, but that sadly never did. And thirdly, the inexcusably awful and franchise-ruining movie that I feared it was about to take a hard left turn into at any minute, and thankfully never did. And that's really my experience on _The Predator_ overall, and the reason for a stalemate "2.5 outta 5" review: It wasn't as good as it should have been, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Unfortunately, when the movie I'm writing in my head alongside watching it is better than what's actually on screen, when you take into account that I'm an unimaginative, talentless hack, really doesn't cut it for a sequel to _Predator_, one of of only five movies I've ever given a perfect rating to. The best parts of _The Predator_ are when there is an eponymous Predator on screen. So you might think, "Oh it's not a good movie, but it's a good _Predator_ movie", and fair enough a conclusion to draw, but no. Part of the problem is, this movie really could have been pulled off with any aliens at all. Take out the Yautja and replace them with... I dunno, the blue skinned pogo-stick people of Planet Hurfadump, and it can still play out functionally the same. See, although I enjoyed watching the Predators do their thing, there was really nothing beyond cosmetic similarities that made them the Predators we've seen in every movie preceding this one. I think possibly part of the reason for that is that every other movie with a Predator in it has been an Action Horror movie (albeit Action Horror with ever-increasing Sci-Fi elements from film to film) whereas _The Predator_ is an Action Comedy, just one with some gore. Now I don't think that taking it that route was necessarily and... abysmal failure, let's say, but was Action Comedy the **best** way to take the _Predator_ franchise? I think it's pretty clear that the answer is no. Ironic that that direction is being taken by Shane Black, the man who has a history with _Predator_ purely because the crew of the first film were determined to have him to work on the script, which he refused. Now here we are more 30 years later and Shane Black finally **has** put his name on a Predator movie, and it's not even good. Fuck. At least it's better than _AvP: Requiem_!

A crushing disappointment. The hopes were high for this latest Predator rebirth, not because Shane Black starred in the great first Predator film, so therefore he surely must care about the project? But because he's an excellent writer and director. Shane Black can count Lethal Weapon(S), The Last Boy Scout and The Long Kiss Goodnight on his CV, he was the man who put Iron Man back on track after the sag of part 2. Plus he is the creator of two of the best buddy buddy neo-noirs this millennium (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang/The Nice Guys), So how come The Predator stinks of lazy cash cow manure? Plot in a nutshell sees the universe's most lethal hunters unleashed on Earth due to the meddling of a soldiers kid and some nosey scientist types. The fate of mankind rests with a group of damaged ex-soldiers and a rather cheesed off female scientist. We have a rehash mishmash of what we have seen before in Predator 87 and Predators 2010. A group dynamic fighting a seemingly invincible foe. The subsequent science aspects such as human DNA inference/reasoning etc never really add up to much, serving only for a bunch of standard actors shouting, swearing and spouting hopelessly weak jokes and series re-treads. When you think the pic is about to up a gear, get rivetingly dramatic, a poor slice of humour comes our way either by vocal spillage or visual drivel (puppy pet Predator dog, really?). There's a bunch of plot threads that just dangle never to be pulled (PTSD/our hero's family strife et al), and the Predators loose on Earth - with different agendas - are confusingly shifted about by a screenplay not sure where it wants to land. Plus points? Well the cinematography is superb (Larry Fong), and you can't fault this for action quotas, there's plenty of it and it's bloody (both red and green type). The score is the traditional one we had from Alan Silvestri back in the 87 film, in fact it hardly deviates from it and yet Henry Jackman gets the credit. Of course some of the jokes will work for some folk (I would be lying if I said a Whoopi Goldberg gag didn't make me laugh), but the terror has gone, these Predators are no longer scary creatures. This reeks of a troubled production going hand in hand with a cash cow that not only narratively adds up to nothing really, but of a franchise death knell. Shame. 3.5/10

Boyd Holbrook - a sort of love child of Mel Gibson and Michael Biehn - is the army sniper hero ("McKenna") who finds himself on the wrong end of the law after he and his team encounter the eponymous killing machine in the forest. Lucky to escape with his life, and a few souvenirs from the wreckage, he makes his way to a cantina where he posts his trophies to his wife and son before being taken into custody. Out in space, another of these would be visitors decides it needs to get that stuff back and so arrives duly determined to annihilate all who get in it's way. It turns out that the young "Rory McKenna" (Jacob Tremblay) is little short of a genius with AI - and pretty soon he, dad and feisty biologist "Brackett" (Olivia Munn) - along with a ragtag band of gung-ho prisoner/soldiers are facing up to their looming terror. Can they survive? Should they survive is probably the better question. Aside from a few scenes at the start and an admittedly lively fifteen minutes at the end, this is almost entirely devoid of the beastie we switched on to see. The dialogue is poorly written, expletive-ridden and banal; the characterisations are really shallow and there are far too many irrelevant sub-plots to distract from the (limited) focus of this 110 minute ramble of a film. The old adage - "if it ain't broke..." comes to mind. This is as far removed from the excellent 1987 introduction to this monstrous creature as it's possible to get and is, quite simply, a waste of video tape. There are plenty of adequate visual effects and pyrotechnics, but this film definitely had me rooting for the creature in the mask pretty much from the start!

**"Long story short"** Unlike the clueless reviewer (on a different website) who I quoted in the headline, I will not proceed to write 5 paragraphs of meaningless drivel about a movie I hate. Usually all of the AvP movies, Alien, Predator and the cross overs are at least a solid 3.5 stars. Of course the original Alien trilogy as well as Predator 1, 2 and even Predators stand out as being very original. The difference between the originals and the spin-offs is clearly the tone they set. In this movie we get a comic book style presented, with by no means bad CGI (dogs looked more real than in Predators for example), a secret research conspiracy, and charismatic heroes getting slaughtered (or not, no spoilers). Just like in the graphic novels, the pace is neck breaking. The ending felt almost rushed, to introduce the new Predator Killer Weapon. It is understandable how regular movie goers are put off by the constant over-stimulation, but I would not want it any other way. The action is over the top, definitely. But there was great attention to detail how the action scenes played out exactly, as opposed to lesser action films in which a flurry of cuts leaves a thinking audience just confused about what just happened. Sure, I would have loved a darker vibe throughout the film too, especially in the beginning the score reminded a little of a Disney orchestra playing. But "The Predator" was a hell of a ride and deserves a special place among the spin-offs. 28 November 2018 I am migrating my reviews from a different site which has become simply garbage. TMDB looks awesome and I look forward to be a part of it.